Le Gourmet de France 2012
To accompany the release of our Friends of the Podcast special, The Summer of 2012, this is the daily blog Lionel wrote during that year's Tour de France
by Lionel Birnie
The Tour de France is about much more than the cycling. The event shows off the best the country has to offer – the countryside, the châteaux and, of course, its food and wine. So, I shall document each day’s meals, from Liège to Paris, from petit déjeuner to dîner. Welcome to Le Gourmet de France. Scroll down to see the journey unfold.
Hotel No.1 Château de Hodbomont, Theux
Our hotel for the opening weekend is the charming Château de Hodbomont, tucked away in the woods near Theux, around 25 kilometres from Liège. For the price of a city centre chain hotel, such as the dreaded Ibis, we’ve got a place with bags of character and very friendly owners. The welcome was exquisite. When I opened the door to my room, soothing classical music was playing on a little CD player.
Apparently, a group of savvy French journalists always stay here for the week when the Formula One circus visits Spa Francorchamps and I can see why.
Wednesday 27th: Le Beaubourg, Theux
Having spent most of the day in the car driving to Belgium, lunch was sandwiches from the service station. It never hurts to set the bar low on day one of the Tour de France.
Arriving in Belgium at the Château de Hodbomont), I was slightly disappointed to find the closest restaurant was a fair drive away in a nearby village. I headed out early and went to the least formal of the places recommended by the hotel’s owners.
Confronted with a menu of steaks, steaks and steaks, I searched for something lighter. Turning the page I found a list of pasta dishes that didn’t really appeal.
It always takes me a day or two to bring the dictionary of ‘menu French’ to the forefront of my brain, so I slightly mis-translated when reading the grillades section.
I thought le jambonneau à la moutarde ancienne would be a nice gammon steak in a mustard sauce. It was only after I’d ordered that the correct translation came to me and I realised I’d opted for dense, protein-y knuckle of pork, which I didn’t really fancy at all. It was too late to change my mind so I got stuck in to the combination of sinew and gelatinous bits with all the vigour of a bare-knuckle boxer.
It was a little bit fatty round the edges and the mustard sauce was basically just mustard and cream mixed together, which made it rich to the point of being sickly. However, once I’d identified the good bits of meat and scraped off the excess sauce, it was edible enough. Better than it looked, anyway.
Rating: 4th category
Thursday 28th: Liège Country Hall press room (lunch)
Lunch in the Tour de France press room was this €3 merguez hot dog in a baguette. Monsieur le vendor insisted on doing the ketchup for me. I feel condiments ought to be left to the customer, and he overdid it and ignored my request for mustard. The sausage itself was actually quite decent.
Thursday 28th: Château de Hodbomont (breakfast)
Chain hotels are winning the battle when it comes to the great issue of how breakfast should be served. The self-service buffet is becoming the norm. Watered-down orange juice in thimbles, brown sludge dispensed from a machine and labelled ‘coffee’, and a hot plate with eggs scrambled until they congeal into a sixth element has become depressingly common. The Château de Hodbomont’s spread was the polar opposite. It was superb – an hors categorie breakfast. Freshly-squeezed OJ, a plate of fresh fruit (out of shot), an espresso cup of strawberry yoghurt, a selection of fine cold meats and cheeses, and jams served in Champagne glasses combined luxury and class.
Thursday 28th: Chez Dimitri, Liège (dinner)
Richard Moore, who is writing for Cycle Sport this year, has arrived and after the team presentation we went for dinner with the Cycling Weekly team. As you do when you’re in Belgium, we headed to the finest, perhaps the only, Greek restaurant in Liège. The owner was a flamboyant fellow called Dimitri, a sort of Greek-Belgian version of Gok Wan, with a razor-sharp haircut and square glasses, but with a Russian-sounding name. He insisted we sat outside in the warm evening breeze rather than inside in the sweltering evening heat, chortled at our colleague Simon Richardson’s request to have tomatoes with his feta cheese starter, then wished us a happy and successful Tour. He also predicted rain for the prologue.
Rating: 3rd category. The moussaka, chips and salad was fairly middle of the peloton fare but Monsieur Dimitri holds the yellow jersey for friendliest host.
Friday 29th: Hotel Van der Valk, Verviers (lunch)
We had lunch at the Hotel Van der Valk in Verviers, which is the very pleasant base for Team Sky during the opening weekend. The campagnarde salad was off the menu, presumably because they were out of campagnarde, so I opted for the Salad Brest, which made Richard snigger. [For the record, Richard says he sniggered at something else]. Bread-crumbed chicken and a very fresh, crunchy salad arrived with the typical Belgian endive fanning out like a flower’s petals. Every year I make a mental note to eat as many green things as often as possible during the first week because at some point we’ll hit the Alps (fondue and tartiflette) and the Pyrenees (cassoulet).
Friday 29th: Hotel Van der Valk, Verviers (dinner)
The Van der Valk’s kitchen seemed to be turning out an impressive array of plates, so we opted to stay for dinner. I chose the lamb fillet, which was soft and cooked perfectly. The Dauphinoise potato was rich and buttery but a bit on the small side and the vegetables still had a pleasing bite. The pak choi and miniature leek were a little bonus – like riding through a village in first place and realising there’d been an intermediate sprint without even realising it. I’d question the decision to put a clump of cress in the gravy but seeing as it may have had some vitamins and minerals in it, I shan’t complain.
Rating: 2nd category, upgraded retrospectively to 1st – the best meal of the Tour so far.
Saturday 30th: Liège Country Hall, press room (lunch)
The race finally got underway, so it was fitting that lunch would again be grabbed on the run from a van parked outside the press room. They were serving a little local delicacy called boulet de Liège. Now, to the untrained eye it may look like one large meatball in sweet gravy placed into a small plastic carton. And it looks that way because that’s exactly what it was.
Saturday 30th: Taverne La Chawresse, Tilff (dinner)
By the time we’d finished work, it was gone eight as we got on the road to start the search for a restaurant. We dithered about a bit before heading to Tilff, which boasted a bustling square flanked by bars and restaurants. Unfortunately, they were all full because it was Saturday night. After a couple of laps of the square, we were almost resigned to eating in the café at a bowling alley (which might have been fun). We tried our luck at a Moroccan restaurant and were told there was one table inside. Time was rattling on, so we skipped starters. After a long wait – almost 40 minutes – our meals arrived, earning monsieur the lanterne rouge for slowest service. The food was great, though. A rich meaty stew with plenty of vegetables served in a deep tajine.
Rating: 2nd category
Sunday 1st: Il Piatto d’Oro, Tilff (dinner)
We settled on Il Piatto d’Oro, a little restaurant near the church after a grumpy maitre d’ at the posh-looking place on the square said he could not possibly seat five of us at such an hour (despite the fact he had at least half a dozen empty tables).
The sign outside Il Piatto d’Oro said it specialised in Italian and French cuisine making it the Sylvain Calzati of restaurants. Inside was small and quite smart but the atmosphere was ruined by the fact the Italy v Spain Euro 2012 football final was on a large television and the sound was incredibly loud, making conversation difficult.
There was an excitable bald chap in an Italian football shirt behind us, which made even us, in our press room fatigues, feel overdressed. He was quite noisy and kept turning the volume on the TV up. It took me a while to realise that this guy was the owner, which is why he hadn’t been asked to turn the volume down or leave.
What was amusing was that one of his waiters – who might even have been his son – was wearing a Spain shirt, clearly just to wind up the owner/his dad.
The starter was scallops and prawns feuilleté – with pastry layers on the top and bottom. After that disaster almost struck. I forgot to photograph the main course of cod in a cream and leek sauce until I was halfway through.
Rating: 2nd category, because the cod was particularly nice. However, we’ve realised that expectations may be a little high, so the jury has decided to retrospectively upgrade Sunday’s lamb dish to 1st category.
Hotel No.2 Campanile, Douai
Anything would be a comedown after the glorious Château de Hodbomont, where the Prosecco was on ice and the owners’ dogs ran carefree through the grounds. Our second hotel of the Tour brought us crashing down to earth. It’s a Campanile on a trading estate on the outskirts of Douai. Douai not like that. Our neighbours are an Aldi supermarket and a roundabout. It’s like an American-style motel, with the rooms opening directly onto an outdoor walkway or, if you’re unlucky (like me), onto the hard shoulder of the dual carriageway.
Monday 2nd: Campanile, Douai (dinner)
Richard Moore and I left the Château de Hodbomont with heavy hearts and even heavier stomachs after a final fine breakfast. The scrambled eggs – rich, buttery and covered in herbs – were a particular highlight, as was the fresh fruit, the yoghurt, the home-made quince and ginger paste and the excellent coffee.
Lunch was a chicken andalousia sandwich from the motorway services. The andalousia bit presumably referred to the mildly spicy orange sauce the small crumbs of chicken were in. I was thankful for it later because by the time we reached the press room in Tournai, the journalists had rampaged through the buffet like a plague of locusts and there was very little left.
And so to dinner at the Campanile hotel, where we were joined by Edward Pickering for the first time on this Tour. The starter was a buffet but it turns out that the members of the Tour’s publicity caravan, who were also staying at the Campanile, can demolish a buffet just as well as the press room dwellers so there was very little left. I moved quickly through the peloton of diners, spotting a gap that was barely there, to get the last half of hard-boiled egg before Ed saw it. The pâte was coarse but strangely bland, the medley of diced vegetables in vinegar were a bit too vinegarym and the straggly salad leaves looked like chef had done some weeding in the garden.
The main course was billed as filet mignon de porc but it had a very strange texture, smooth almost like a firm paté, which was disconcerting. Ed went for salmon with pasta. The white tubes were pale, soggy and without any sauce or, Ed said, flavour. They looked as if they’d been cooked in lukewarm washing up water. The restaurant also lost marks for trying to convince Ed that the most expensive red wine on the menu would definitely go with fish.
We ordered the cheese course and were presented with three chunks of cold cheese served straight from the fridge. Ten years ago in France, this would have been grounds to close down the hotel chain and sack everyone. Even unremarkable cheese can be improved if it is served at room temperature so there’s a bit of life in it.
Rating: 4th category. It wasn’t inedible, it was just joyless. Bean counters at the head office of Campanile’s holding company seem to have decided that this is the most convenient (and profitable) way to feed their guests.
Tuesday 3rd: Campanile, Douai (breakfast)
Breakfast at the Campanile was pretty typical of most budget French hotels. Fine, in the most part, although they do earn the brown jersey for worst coffee. It was completely undrinkable. Richard wondered whether it even was coffee. It tasted of machine and disappointment.
Hotel No.3 Le Clos de La Prairie, Gouy St André
Around halfway between Boulogne-sur-Mer and Abbeville is Gouy St André, a little hamlet in the countryside. The hotel is a gem, with bags of character in the older part, which houses the restaurant, and a brand new wing where the bedrooms are. It feels like we’re the first guests to stay here, it’s that new. My neighbour was a horse, who lives in the field adjacent to the room.
Tuesday 3rd: Le Clos de la Prairie, Gouy St André
We were treated to by far the best meal of the Tour so far, our first unanimous hors categorie dinner. It was modern, delicate and attractive to look at. An amuse-bouche of a large, juicy prawn in a tangy jus; then a crab concoction topped with dill and other salad leaves accompanied by a fresh savoury lemon sorbet, then a fillet of John Dory with a quenelle of this and a smear of that. Finally, dessert, a dense chocolate mousse with a globe of pistachio ice cream and a see-through honeycomb wafer that was crispy and sweet and gave a satisfying crack and crunch. It was like watching the Tour tackle the Col d’Èze followed by Le Puy de Dôme, then the Tourmalet and finally Alpe d’Huez.
Wednesday 4th: Le Close de la Prairie, Gouy St André
Another excellent breakfast, soaring above the typical croissant/pain au chocolat fare with fresh fruit compote, strawberry and peach kebabs, followed by a freshly fried egg with ham and great coffee. The sort of breakfast that makes you slightly sad to know you have to move on.
Hotel No.4 Domaine St Paul, Lyons-la-Foret
Tucked away to the south-east of Rouen near Lyons-la-Foret was our country hideaway for the night. It actually happened to be on the route of stage five meaning it was tempting to skip the finish and head straight to the hotel – not that we did. The buildings and grounds were truly spectacular. The rooms themselves did not quite live up to the exterior grandeur being a little basic and old-fashioned, but they were neat and tidy enough, and very reasonably-priced at €75.
Wednesday 4th: Domaine St Paul (dinner)
The meal at the Domaine St Paul was a bit of a let-down considering how pleasant the hotel was. The vinaigrette on the deep-fried Camembert on toast was basically just vinegar and it killed any other flavours that might have been in there.
The local specialty, duck fricassee, was most peculiar. The meat itself was okay but the thick sauce was oleaginous and tasted of brown and nothing but brown. The menu suggested dauphinoise potatoes but what we got was more like a McDonald’s hash brown oven-baked straight from the freezer. And the broccoli was so soft it dissolved on contact with cutlery.
The cheese course was very good, with the Livarot (the orangey one in the picture) pleasingly pungent, as was the tarte aux pommes.
Hotel No.5 Hotel du Golf l’Ailette, Chamouille
Our hotel was nestled in the Picardie countryside, next to a large lake and flanked by a golf course. We didn’t have time for a quick nine holes – a shame because I am still waiting for the opportunity for golfing revenge after my defeat to Ed at the Alpe d’Huez Open in 2006 – and it was a bit drizzly, but the view was nice to wake up to.
Thursday 5th: Hotel du Golf d’Ailette (dinner)
The food at the hotel was very good. After a raw tuna steak chopped up and served with a punchy wasabi sauce came a rack of lamb. It’s been a worryingly consistent run of decent food (with one or two notable exceptions). With the mountains looming, things are about to get a lot more cheesy.
Rating: 1st category
I forgot to take a photo of Hotel No.6 which was Les Messines in Metz. It was a perfectly adequate appartment-style place. No frills and right next to a disco but other than that, fine. Instead, here’s a photo of ‘Cardboard Cut-Out Mark Cavendish’ outside the discotheque, which is called l’Arc en Ciel – appropriate for the world champion’s rainbow jersey.
Friday 6th: Restaurant Tarterie, Metz (dinner)
It was a warm evening in Metz and after a short trip into the town’s main square, gazpacho leapt off the menu because it suggested it would be cool and refreshing. The soup wasn’t bad but the fresh tomato edge was taken off by the inclusion of rich goat’s cheese. We were also amused by Richard’s admission that the first time he had gazpacho in a restaurant, he sent it back because it was cold.
I’m still not sure what possessed me to go for the choucroute maison, other than that it’s one of eastern France’s regional dishes – and the fact that Ed had ordered it. I do like sauerkraut and an assortment of meats but this particular sauerkraut was very vinegary and the meat was incredibly dense. There was just too much of everything and after what felt like a long time eating I looked down and realised I had barely made a dent in it. It was also incredibly salty, which killed my appetite. There must’ve been enough salt on that plate for a week and I woke up in the middle of the night hot and so dehydrated I had to soak my lops in water for a few seconds before I could prise my mouth open wide enough to take a drink.
Rating: 3rd category. Not a bad restaurant, just poor selection.
Hotel No.7 La Luron, Lure
First the positives. The hotel was in Lure, a very short drive from the press room. There’s not a glut of rooms in the area so Ed did well to find anywhere without having to drive hour or more. On check-in, I thought I’d drawn the shortest straw because I was taken up several flights of stairs to the top floor. In fact, I’d drawn the shortest straw because I had been assigned a smoking room. The giveaways were the fact the window was wide open when I stepped inside and the curtains were a yellowish brown. Oh, and the smell. It was like walking into a working men’s club in 1984. As I’ve said before, the definition of a non-smoking room in France can sometimes mean that there’s not someone smoking in there at the moment. Anyway, it was not pretty. There were cigarette burns in the sink. Most non-smokers don’t like smoking, but I really don’t like it. I decided to take my case and all my clothes – bar the t-shirt and shorts I slept in – down to the car so they wouldn’t take on the smokey aroma overnight. I slept with the window wide open, which meant I was woken at 5.30 when heavy rain blew in and gave me a little shower. I just lay there, soggy and cold and surrounded by the smell of stale smoke until it was time to go downstairs for breakfast. On the upside, everyone else’s rooms were fine so, as Dave Brailsford would say, it’s only one night, we take the positives and we move on. To give you an indication of the decor, here’s what’s on the wall in the breakfast room. I had to stifle a scream.
Saturday 7th: Le Sirocca, Lure (dinner)
There was not an abundance of smart-looking eateries in Lure. Without being too harsh on the town, Lure felt like an economic downturn theme park. A lot of the shops were vacant. The restaurant we’d earmarked online had closed down. There was a bar called Bar Le Relax where a ZZ Top video was playing on a big screen and a group of men who looked like ZZ Top fans were drinking outside. Nothing against ZZ Top but we strolled on past.
We eventually settled on Le Sirocca, a Moroccan place and ordered the cous-cous with various meats – chicken, lamb and merguez sausage with a pot of vegetables. It was passable but my mood throughout the meal was hampered by the thought of spending the night sleeping inside an ashtray.
Sunday 8th: Le Grill du Trappeur, Besançon (dinner)
Having arrived late at our lodgings, the BB Hotel on the outskirts of town, we were relieved to find that after an Alan Partridge-style walk across the dual carriageway, Le Grill du Trappeur was still serving dinner.
Sadly, there’s no photo of the BB Hotel but if you’ve ever built a house out of Lego you’ll have a good idea of what it looked like, although my room was no-smoking so compared to the previous evening it felt like The Ritz.
With the mountains on the horizon it seemed like an appropriate time to dive into tartiflette. Usually it’s a rich pot of layered potato and Reblochon cheese but this variety used Morbier cheese, which is creamier, instead. It was accompanied by an array of cold meats and one lonely cornichon. I could have done with a handful more so the vinegary tang and crunch could cut through the cheese a bit more.
Rating: 4th category. Bog-standard and quite greasy. I was also very suspicious it had been left sitting around before being blasted in the microwave because there was the odd disconcertingly cold spot inside. Mind you, they served us at 9.45pm, which is not something to take for granted in France, so that was something.
Hotel No.9
Auberge du Haut Chénas
Our rest day refuge was a little spot on the hill above Chénas, right in the middle of beaujolais country. For miles around all you can see are vineyards. The auberge was a lovely little place too.
Monday 9th: Auberge du Haut Chénas
Madame at the hotel agreed to keep the kitchen open so we could have a meal after the drive from Besançon, which was fortunate because otherwise we’d have been eating the copies of L’Equipe that are building up in the footwell in the back of our car, or at least more service station sandwiches. The menu only had a few choices for each course but in my experience that’s often a good thing because it means they do fewer things really well. I went for the beef bourguignon, which was stewed in the local Burgundy wine, much of which we also drank. The Chénas Séléne was excellent.
Category: 1st category. Great home cookery.
Tuesday 10th: Auberge du Haut Chénas again
Our second night at the auberge meant I had to go for the coq au vin, the only other viable option on the menu. Last night was beef braised in wine, today, chicken in wine. The alternatives didn’t appeal. Andouillette of any description gives me the shivers. It’s basically a pungent tripe sausage that has the texture of rubber bands packed tightly inside a verruca sock, not that I’ve eaten rubber bands in a verruca sock. It also smells of drains. The fish stew was made with a freshwater fish, which I don’t particularly like. Fortunately, in this region they just love cooking their meats in wine. So I went for the chicken in wine. The picture doesn’t do it justice because the sauce was delicious, although they looked at me strangely when I asked if they served it in pints. Even though they lost points for serving the coq au vin with a tangle of moist tagliatelle it was a really good meal.
We were also treated to a dégustation – a wine tasting – from the wines made in the village. The improved in quality from right to left. The favourite was the fifth from the right, the Chénas Séléne 2009 we’d had the previous evening.
Category: 1st category again. Great consistency from the auberge. And consistency is what wins you Grand Gourmet Tours.
Hotel No.10
Les Ailles, Challes-les-Eaux
If you ignore the fact that our hotel was on a busy main road between Chambéry and Challes-les-Eaux it was a conveient base for a couple of nights. The mountainous backdrop made up for the fact the car park was a building site and the road was noisy. The people who ran it was so friendly, which goes a long way to make up for any down sides. One considerable downside is that three of us have to share one large room, so I made sure I bagged the top bunk and put my ear plugs in. I won’t say which of the other two was snoring.
Wednesday 11th: Les Ailles (dinner)
When in the Alps, whatever you eat is slathered in melted Savoyarde cheese because it’s the law. I opted for the local speciality, which was basically melted cheese, potatoes and pieces of ham on toasted bread, like a big cheese pizza. Did I mention the cheese? Ed reckons he had cheese dreams, which made me glad I was on the top bunk. It was pretty basic stuff, and my overwhelming suspicion was that the not-pizza had been defrosted before being shoved under the grill. But we arrived late, so couldn’t really grumble.
Rating: 4th category
Thursday 12th: Les Ailles (dinner)
The starter was eggs, with mayonnaise, which in anyone’s language is eggs served with egg sauce. I was impressed with how they cut the eggs but couldn’t help thinking it needed a bit more greenery.
To celebrate the latest news from USADA, I opted for the Jambon Tex-Mex, which featured rather well-done ham. I forgot to photograph it until I’d nearly finished, so here’s what I had for lunch to compensate – pork fillet with tinned peas and carrots, which was nicer than it sounds.
A rare foray into the sweet world of desserts tonight: I went for the chocolate mousse, which I photographed to the right of the frame like what a proper photographer would do, to make it look better than it was.
Rating: 3rd category
Hotel No.11
Le Puy de Sirenes, Puygiron
The Friday night before Bastille Day and half of France is driving south. We left Annonay after the stage finish and got stuck in a big traffic jam, then another big traffic jam and finally a third big traffic jam. All three lanes of the autoroute were clogged at 10.45pm. We arrived at our hotel in the charming village of Puygiron, not far from Montelimar (nougat country, for those who like nougat) at 11.30pm. We had to get up before 7am the next morning to get on the road because the Tour organisers recommended all Tour traffic drive on the route, ahead of the publicity caravan, to avoid more jams on the motorways.
So, the hotel was perfectly acceptable as a place to rest our weary heads but we arrived very late and left a good hour before they started serving breakfast so we didn’t exactly make the most of it. Ed drew the short straw tonight and had to sleep on a blow-up mattress on the floor in my room because we only had two rooms between three of us and you have to draw the line somewhere.
Friday 13th: Restaurant Jean Jaures, Bourg-les-Valence
Time was ticking on and we knew we weren’t going to reach our hotel in time for dinner, so we stopped on the way. Remind me not to go to Bourg-les-Valence again. It wasn’t as bad as Lure where we stayed a week ago – that really did resemble an economic downturn theme park – but it wasn’t much better. We were nevertheless grateful to find a restaurant open at such a late hour. Madame was very friendly although she steered us into having a chicken and mushroom stewy-type-thing with rice and ratatouille rather than allowing us to pick from the menu. The other downside was that there was a very large gentleman sitting at the bar who was showing enough bum crack for an entire building site. It wasn’t pleasant and it was unavoidably and directly in my eyeline throughout dinner.
Rating: 3rd category
Hotel No. 12
Hotel Résidence, Nissan-lez-Enserune
Nissan-lez-Enserune is an attractive little village with very narrow streets and, because it was Bastille Day, it was packed and vibrant. The hotel, part of the Logis de France organisation, combined the charm of an old building with great modern rooms. A real gem.
Saturday 14th: Hotel Résidence, Nissan-lez-Enserune (dinner)
The restaurant at the hotel was terrific. Ed and Richard put shirts with collars on specially and pointed out that I was the scruffiest person by quite some way, which was nice of them.
The starter was carpaccio of beef with little dots of foie gras sprinkled over the top.
We all chose the fillets of red mullet for the main course until Monsieur returned to say there were only two portions left.
So, being the Richie Porte to Ed and Richard’s Wiggins and Froome, I stepped down and looked at the menu again, opting for the pork cutlet.
I was rewarded with a theatrical dish that was presented and then dramatically revealed. The pork had been slow roasted and then placed on the plate with a pot of burning rosemary, then covered so that the smokey aroma infused everything.
The picture probably doesn’t convey how delicious it was.
Rating: 1st category. The second-best meal of the Tour so far came just as we are about to enter cassoulet country.
Sunday 15th: Foix (dinner)
Disaster struck. The Best Cassoulet Restaurant in Foix no longer serves cassoulet.
We found this out as we sat down on Sunday night. My eyes scanned the menu in panic. I thought there must’ve been a mistake. No, it’s definitely not there. Perhaps it will be on the specials board? No, not there either.
Missing out on cassoulet in Foix is a bit like waiting for the big mountain stage and then finding all the cols have been closed by freak weather. It’s just not the same.
So, I chose the trio des viandes – three meats, steak, sausage and veal – and felt it needed beans, duck and goose.
After all that meat, I had a taste for something sweet. Egged on by the waiter, Ed and I ordered the choux XXL, which turned out to be a lump of rich vanilla ice cream the size of Samuel Dumoulin’s head, topped with a choux pastry bun, a rich chocolate sauce and almonds. We were told only four people have ever finished two of them. I failed to complete even one, although Ed was successful. Whether he enjoyed the twisty drive to the hotel after dinner is up for debate.
Rating: 2nd category. Not quite good enough to overcome the cassoulet disappointment. Still, there’s always Toulouse.
Hotel No.13
Hotel La Tour de Loup, La Bastide-de-Sérou
After the disappointment of missing out on cassoulet, we needed a decent hotel.
We were, once again, disappointed.
Here’s the thing: You book online, giving your credit card details. You arrive at 11pm, pretty keen to check in quickly and get some shut-eye.
So why, in those circumstances, do madame and monsieur insist on going through the whole rigamarole of taking payment there and then, delaying bed time by 20 irritating minutes?
Maybe they thought we were going to do a runner, but even if we did, they could contact the booking agency we made the reservation through and recover all their money. I just don’t get it. The customer comes second.
As a one-off, it would be a minor gripe, but day-in, day-out on the Tour I dream of the day the proprietors will look at our trustworthy faces and let us go and get some shut-eye before settling the bill at a civilised hour in the morning.
Anyway, it was a pretty basic hotel, although the bedroom was comfortable enough because it seemed like it had been delivered straight off a lorry direct from that out-of-town furniture warehouse with the yellow and blue logo.
Breakfast was a let-down. The coffee was cold and this deep into the Tour, a cold cup of coffee really can get the day off to a rubbish start.
Hotel No.14
Hotel de France, Morlàas
How can I put this? Morlàas, far from being a pretty, vibrant little village a short drive from Pau was, as described by one of our party, the Village of the Damned. Arriving late in the evening, nothing was open. Some kids were hanging out in the town square revving the engines on their mopeds. Most of the shops looked as if they’d closed down. There was not even a restaurant.
Our hotel was owned by an eccentric fella who appeared to have settled for his lot sometime in the mid-1980s. He was very friendly but his hotel was badly in the need of a clean and refurb. The toilet bowl in my room filled up to the brim with each flush, which made me do an involuntarily panicked leap backwards in case it flowed over.
Most French hotels have finally ditched the uncomfortable sausage-shaped bolster in favour of pillows, but not this place.
The place even had a Hammer House of Horror creaking-door sound effect.
Monday 16th: Hotel de France (Moorlàas)
Monsieur’s eccentricities extended to his catering. Having scoped out the village for an alternative, we reluctantly settled for eating in the hotel’s bar, which was a bit grubby. The cutlery handles were peeling, which was off-putting too. But fair play to monsieur, he served with a smile.
The starter was basically A Plate of Things. A slice of quiche, a huge hunk of salami, some ham, vegetables and salad and a couple of packs of butter plonked on the top. Presumably this was to go on the bread, rather than a strange garnish.
The main course was pitched as volaille et frites, which monsieur helpfully translated for us into English as ‘bird and chips’. What we got was some kind of chicken slab with chips. It filled a gap.
Rating: 4th category. Just about avoiding an intermediate sprint to the toilet.
Tuesday 17th: Garmin burrito party (lunch)
We can’t let Le Gourmet de France pass without mentioning the Garmin team’s rest day burrito and margarita party for the press and other invited guests. The burritos were excellent, packed with chicken, rice, beans and guacamole. A real treat.
What was amusing was that as everyone chatted and mingled at the burrito party, the Sky press conference was being set up next door with four rows of chairs placed in the scorching sunshine for journalists which reminded me of a French Foreign Legion endurance test.
Tuesday 17th: An anonymous restaurant in Pau
It was getting late when we arrived at the restaurant for dinner. The name escapes me but it was very similar looking to lots of other restaurants in the vicinity. Avoiding anything too heavy, I went for the tuna carpaccio with pea and broad bean salad inside. It was fresh enough and reasonably tasty but it took a long time to arrive. Having craved something light and delicate it was a little on the small side.
Rating: 3rd category.
Wednesday 18th: Les Caprices d’Etigny, Luchon (dinner)
We were having a beer with Sean Kelly when Phil Griffiths bowled over and invited everyone within earshot to dinner. Griffiths was one of the ANC-Halfords team managers when they rode the Tour in 1987. These days he imports Pinarello bikes, as ridden by Team Sky (which probably accounts for the permanent smile). He also owns an appartment in Luchon, overlooking the lovely town square and the thermal spa, flanked by stunning mountains. Among our fellow diners were Malcolm Elliott, Adrian Timmis and Graham Jones, with the BBC Five Live commentary team. We were very grateful for his invitation and had a fine evening. Nothing against Ed and Richard at all, because I am sure they felt the same, but after a fortnight on the road it was nice to have some different company and a chance to compare notes on the Tour with some other people. The restaurant must’ve known we were (mostly) British because they served us jacket potatoes too.
Rating: 2nd category.
Hotel No. 15
Royal Hotel, Bagnères-de-Luchon
We feared the worst, partly because the Royal Hotel did not have a website. What we got was one of the most pleasing hotels of the Tour and, almost certainly, the best value place. The Royal Hotel was quite old-fashioned – like places in English seaside towns that have seen better days but have at least held on to their dignity and pride. The couple running it were quite elderly but we have not encountered nicer people all Tour. They were incredibly friendly.
The room was quite basic, but it was spotless and looked out over the charming square in Luchon. There was the other bonus that the start village for stage 17 was right outside the door.
When it came to pay, it felt almost criminal to give them only €47 for bed and breakfast. It’s on our list the next time the Tour is in Luchon.
Thursday 19th: Restaurant Emile, Toulouse (dinner)
At last, Cassoulet Night. It was a fraught drive through the one-way system in Toulouse, and a late dinner (past 10pm, which is pushing it if you want to avoid cassoulet-related sleep issues) but Restaurant Emile served us a fine example of the region’s speciality, washed down with a hearty red. It’s amazing that a deep, rich red wine can feel almost refreshing when paired with the salty combination of Toulouse sausage, pork, duck and beans in garlicky sauce.
Rating: 1st category
Hotel No.16
Hotel de France, Toulouse
Decent enough for a night, although a nightmare to get to because of a one-way system the sat-nav did not recognise. Very warm rooms with no air-con or even a fan and a noisy street in bustling quarter of town but I was so tired neither mattered.
Friday 20th: La Vielle Maison, Chartres
We stayed in Chartres last October when we travelled over to interview newly-crowned world champion Mark Cavendish for a magazine feature. After persuading him to pose for a potentially hazardous photoshoot, we lucked out by stumbling across a terrific little restaurant in the centre of town.
Ed was particularly keen to go back, so we did and we were rewarded with a meal that pushes into contention for best of the Tour. It was certainly hors categorie but we’re not convinced it was better than the Clos de la Prairie in week one.
After three delicious courses, all was going swimmingly until we decided to opt for a digestif – in this case a Calvados. It came in a fish bowl and it has rendered my memory of the meal quite hazy although there was a duck salad with a tomato chutney, some salmon with a savoury rice pudding, and a chocolate fondant which was the perfect type of gooey in the middle.
Rating: hors categorie
Hotel No.17
Ibis, Lucé
Our penultimate hotel of the Tour was an Ibis. To be fair, we did well to get through the whole thing with only one Campanile and one Ibis. Chain hotels really do take their toll. One year I spent a week travelling from Ibis to Ibis and by the end of it, I had memorised the play list that pipes out into reception and I was more familiar than is healthy with the array of things they provide for breakfast. It was also quite disconcerting because every room is similar but not identical and so when I woke up in the morning it was as if someone had snuck in during the night and rearranged the furniture and moved the bathroom.
Saxo Bank were staying at our Ibis too. When I checked in I was given a smoking room, which really was not pleasant, but I managed to swap and can only hope they didn’t put one of the riders in there instead.
Saturday 21st: Hotel Novotel, Chartres
After the time trial, we had a late dinner at the Novotel. After a tomato and mozzarella salad came a piece of duck that was nicely cooked but, on reflection, was probably not the thing to eat at 10.30pm. The duck was pretty well cooked – nicely charred on the outside and pink in the middle but it was served on a strange slate that squeaked and scraped every time I cut through the meat with my knife. Why not just use a normal plate?
Hotel No.18
Brit Hotel, Epernon
Our final hotel of the Tour was the aptly-named Brit Hotel in Epernon. Although the arrangement of the floors and bedrooms around an open central area made it look like HM Slade prison fitted out by Ikea, it was actually a perfectly decent place to spend the night.
Sunday 22nd: Parisian pavement café (lunch)
Having spent two weeks craving a simple omelette and chips, nothing was going to stop me at lunchtime on the final day of the Tour. The Parisian omelette should be one of the world’s great dishes and when it’s done well it really is. Unfortunately this was not a good example. A great omelette should be gooey in the middle. This was bland, dry and came at a Parisian premium price.
Rating: 4th category
To the prizes, then. The maillot jaune for best hotel goes to the Château de Hodbomont in Theux near Liège. We were fortunate enough to spend five nights there are the start of the Tour. That was closely followed by the Auberge de Haut Chenas where we enjoyed the wine-tasting.
The polka-dot knife and fork for finest meal goes to the hors categorie Clos de la Prairie in Gouy St André.
There were some stinkers too but when travelling round France on a budget and rolling into restaurants at 9.30 that’s probably to be expected.
And so, that brings our Gourmet de France journey to an end. We experienced the good, the bad and the downright ugly that France has to offer but when it comes to the Tour, you have days when you feel so tired you’d be able to sleep upside down in a dustbin if that was the only option.
There were no missed dinners. And that is by no means something we take for granted. We didn’t even have to eat petrol station sandwiches for lunch too often thanks to the press room buffets, which ranged in quality from Team Sky to Argos-Shimano and everything in between but were always gratefully accepted.